Daily Archives: July 14, 2011

Reason #49 why I will always be alone: No man in his 20’s can satisfy my facial hair needs

So apparently, Panera Bread attracts a large population of well-bearded men. All but one of the five men in my line of sight have beautiful, manly, tuggable beards that I want to play with until the wee hours of dawn.

Sitting on a laptop, hoping no one has noticed that I am drinking a coffee from somewhere else and never actually made a PB purchase, I can’t help but wonder why I am always being confronted by these sightings of manly beards that will never be mine to enjoy. I also have to wonder why all of these men are always at a minimum of ten years older than me, and when I will see a man in my dating age bracket that will satisfy my facial hair needs.

Probably never.

This is the #49 reason I will always be alone.

I’m pretty sure #48 has something to do with the fact that I am a 22 year old woman, picking my gingerbread man scab in the corner of a food service location.

Bring on the cats.

F*** that. I want an iguana.

Love,

The girl with a translucent farmer’s tan