10 Things I Hate Today (Because I Have Nothing Better to Write about While I Wait For My Film to Develop)
OK, so after being home from the Dominican Republic for a week, one might assume I would be packing some serious literary heat, blogging about my life-altering experience before any other arbitrary topic. However, since myself and middle-aged male teachers from California are the only people left on the planet who still get our film developed, I am waiting until I have adequate visual aids to pleasure you all with my tales from down under. Or whatever.
In the meantime I am going to pleasure you with minimal enthusiasm and a loose grip on reality. So if you have nothing better to do, which you evidently do not since you are still reading, I invite you to squander a few more precious minutes of your lackluster existence and join me as I divulge 10 things I realized I hate today.
- Pregnant chicks who smoke. I hope you realize what people think when they see you: Foul tasting breast milk.
Oh, and selfish b****.
2. People named Christian. Enough said.
3. When I have used the same water bottle so many times it emits a palpable stench of saliva and backwash.
4. Rick Santorum. That’s a lie. I realized this upon conception. He may love the unborn, but it sure ain’t mutual.
You know, cause they aren’t alive.
5. Finding three week old oranges on the bottom of my purse.
6. Finding four week old bananas under my car seat.
7. Waking up with the theme song for “Braceface” stuck in my head.
8. Kesha was featured on VH1s Greatest Female Artists of the Last 20 Years. And not as a PSA for inbreeding.
9. The fact that transsexual women don’t get periods.
10. The smell of napalm in the morning.
This is the lamest post I’ve ever written. I should be ashamed. I’m embarrassing myself and loved ones. Like one of those people who go on Dr. Phil to admit they have adult baby fetish.
I never saw that on Dr. Phil. My mom told me about it. She thinks he’s hot. Dr. Phil. Not the adult baby man. Benjamin Button freaked her out.
I’ll write something better soon. Or soon I’ll write better. Whatever you are more inclined to believe.
The girl with the boring blog