Daily Archives: May 9, 2012
Poor North Carolina.
After all of Asheville’s efforts to make the state seem cool and relevant to the rest of the U.S. beyond a convenient place to stop and take a dump on the way to Myrtle Beach, they have consummated their irrelevancy by proving just how uncool they really are.
Today voters in North Carolina passed an amendment to their state legislation to ban gay marriage. Now to be fair, North Carolina has always had a very traditional take on marriage. According to www.usmarriagelaws.com, North Carolina holds marriage values in high esteem, as proven with these laws:
- Applicants 16 and 17 must present a consent form signed by the parent, individual, agency or institution having legal custody or serving as the legal guardian of the underage party.
- Applicants 14 and 15 must provide a certified copy of the court order authorizing the marriage. A certified copy of the birth certificate is also required.
*****A marriage license may not be issued to applicants under 14 years of age.
YOU SEE, gays? There’s no reason to be upset. 7th graders can’t get married either!!!
Well…at least not until 8th grade…
No waiting period.
In North Carolina, marriage vows and long term “eternal” commitments can be made with relatively no forethought. As long as they are at least 14 year old penises and 14 year old vaginas, they can get married whenever they want, simply because they are penises and vaginas!
The high school marriage on One Tree Hill is suddenly making so much sense…
Yes. First cousins MAY marry, but DOUBLE first cousins may not. Double first cousins are very rare, as the couple have to be related as cousins through both parents.
Niiiiice. Now the next Christmas when sparks inevitably fly between me and my 14 year old cousin, I will have to remember that we can seal the deal with a quick trip to North Carolina, where residency is not required, waiting periods are not required, and penis/vagina matrimony reigns supreme.
Then we can go to Myrtle Beach.
The girl who relishes the divorce rate among straight couples who define the sanctity of marriage
PS: With the possibility that I have not convinced you that this latest slap in the face of ALL Americans (yes, all) and their right to marriage equality was just NC being a bitch, check out my other entry, “Why Gay Marriage Should Never Be Legalized and America Rocks!!!” It’ll give you like, so much insight.