International Pimp My Blog Day

I have no friends. I have no IRAs. I have no access to medical marijuana.

I have nothing.

Nothing but this blog. It may not help me pick out clothes, give me hope for a stable retirement, or force me to hallucinate about totem poles carved out of watermelon, but it is there. It is there when I need it and more often when I don’t. The problem is, no one reads it.

Ok, fine. That’s a lie.

A lot of people read it. At least there are more people who read it than there are people I know. Which isn’t saying much when you consider I know 4 people. But nevertheless, it is not enough.

In my old age, I’ve become grubby and selfish and even needier than usual. I WANT MORE READERS! And why not? This blog is a comprehensive publication! One day I might blog about governmental affairs of the Obama administration, the next about the impressive size of my bladder. Say, whaaaaat? It ain’t no big thang.

That is why I am asking you, committed readers, to please pimp my blog. Pimp her all night long until she is sore and miserable and in need of topical ointments. She wants to be read.

Email a post, tweet a quote, tattoo my name on your face. These are all great ideas that will not only validate me emotionally but also bring further readership to my blog. Which is an international issue I am sure you are all incredibly committed to.

For those of you who are new to this, allow me to remind you of the true depth of investigative blogging I do here at

Like for instance, sometimes I talk about beards:

Reason #49 Why I Will Always Be Alone: No Man In His 20s Can Satisfy My Facial Hair Needs

Bearding Out All over the Place: A One Woman Effort For Beard Conservation

Other times I write about politics:

See Ya Later, Ambien: How Obama and the Indefinite Detention of U.S. Citizens Will Help Me Sleep At Night

The Great Plights of Humanity: Four Issues Untouched During the Latest Republican Debate

And occasionally pop culture

Lindsay Lohan’s Playboy Comments Make Me Want to Die: A Discussion of Phony Female Empowerment

Pregnancy and Media Whores: A Lesson in Abstinence Training

Plus 59 other blog entries for your and no one else’s enjoyment! So please, PIMP MY BLOG, bitches!

Then listen to this song. It’s great.


The girl who knows there’s no success like failure and that failure is no success at all.

Posted on May 16, 2012, in ramblings about writing and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. I love your blog! You’re honest and funny. Two very admirable qualities. 🙂 I started my blog last year and it was a slow start. Keep your head up and in the mean time, I’ll share your blog with my buds.

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