Stop Calling Me Short, 50 Cent!!!: My 24th Birthday and 23 Accomplishments of the Last Year

On this day, last year, I reluctantly turned 23. I welcomed my inevitable aging with 2 bottles of Arbor Mist and FX reruns of Superbad, followed by fits of crying  and my now infamous Waffle House date. I wasn’t going into 23 with dignity if I could avoid it. Well, ladies and gentleman, I am pleased to tell you that after 365 days of fighting against this change, I have prevailed. As of today, I am no longer 23.

I’m not going to lie to you; 24 doesn’t feel all that different, aside from my overwhelming desire to kick back in some orthopedic shoes and watch my programs for a few hours. I’m actually feeling relatively decent about getting older. My biggest bitch is knowing that I am slowly inching my way toward an age where I will be too old to get away with my lack of life plan on account of being “young and exploring options.” That alone upsets me more than death or any amount of Rhianna remixes.

So to avoid that penetrating reality one more day, this is my plan:

  1. Shower
  2. Wash dishes
  3. Walk downtown and buy a scone
  4. Feel bad about buying a scone
  5. Eat the scone anyway
  6. Consider bulimia
  7. Go to my mom’s house where she, my sister, and brother will be hanging out for an obscenely long period of time because we are way too close and somewhat unhealthy
  8. Weep tears of gratitude for each present I receive because I’m emotionally unstable and incredibly charming
  9. Compose a mental list of goals to be completed while 24, knowing full well that no matter how much I do, the very idea of turning 25 makes me want to use my small intestine as a noose
  10. Go to bed happy

If anyone’s got his/her shit together, it would be me.

Now, last year in order to commemorate blossoming into my new age, I reflected on my 22nd year and compiled a list of 22 accomplishments. Using that logic, one might expect a list of 23 accomplishments, however being that I was kind of lazy and unmotivated this year, there’s a good chance it will stop at 6. Let’s see how far I can get:

  1. Started; which really, barely counts as an accomplishment if we’re being honest.
  2. Volunteered in the Dominican Republic
  3. Made $800 selling Christmas cookies
  4. Gained 15 pounds eating Christmas cookies
  5. Lived with my mom for 7 months

    “There’s no one here but us chickens!” – The Grey Gardens model for my own mother/daughter relationship

  6. Spent 24 hours on the courthouse steps for Occupy Nashville
  7. Gained an appreciation for the 40 hour work week through periods of unemployment and current over-employment
  8. Met one of the best friends ever from Murfreesboro, Tennessee 🙂
  9. Increased my credit score despite consistently late student loan payments
  10. Watched every Republican Presidential Debate
  11. Moved into my own apartment again
  12. Doubled my record collection
  13. Discovered Breaking Bad, Mad Men, and Parenthood.  I should probably be embarrassed by watching this much TV
  14. Like a fat Samantha Brick, been unjustifiably hit on more in my life than ever before
  15. Saw Titanic in 3D

    “He likes your yabbos”

  16. Developed an obsession with tights and stockings
  17. Reached 150 pages in my novel
  18. Realized an emphatic hatred for touch screen technology
  19. Was traumatized by my New Year’s Day horoscope that said I will struggle in love for the next 14 years
  20. Have become significantly happier since last year
  21. If my blog viewing stats page is correctly, hopefully made 30,000 people laugh. Or at least 12
  22. Most recently, met someone pretty awesome 🙂
  23. Came up with 23 quasi-accomplishments for this stupid list

That took way too long. Next year I’m using some form of intellectual Ex-lax to speed up this process. Or maybe I should just do more cool shit. Whatever.


The girl who is now 24 and still childishly obsessed with birthdays

About thegirlwiththeblog

At any given time I can be found moisturizing my elbows and searching for words that rhyme with orange.

Posted on July 23, 2012, in Misguided attempts at holiday blogging and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 125 Comments.

  1. You are depressed about the age of 24? Fuck you.


    • slightly uncalled for, sir. Slightly.

      • I thought of putting a bit of a positive spin on it, but that didn’t seem fitting for our bloglationship.

        Take 2:

        Why you sooo DOOOWN on yo-self, gaaaaaaal! You gotta WHOOOOOLE life of wonders and sunshine ahead of yo-self. I’m 29 and still feeling FIIIINE! Yo gonna be GRRRRR-EAT!


      • That significantly increased my chances of vomiting this afternoon. Thank you.


      Assalamualaikum wr.wb saya sangat mengucapka banyak terimah kasih kepada MBAH DEWA atas bantuan MBAH kini impian saya selama ini sudah jadi kenyataan dan berkat bantuan MBAH DEWA pula yang telah memberikan anka jitunya kepada saya yaitu ”180”dan alhamdulillah berhasil..sekali lagi makasih yaa MBAH karna waktu itu saya cuma bermodalkan uang cuma 100 rb dan akhirnya saya menang..??? Berkat anka GHOIB nya MBAH DEWA saya sudah bisa buka toko sendiri dan kini kehidupan saya jauh lebih baik dari sebelumnya,bagi anda yg ingin seperti saya silahkan HBG 085_319_974_999 , MBAH DEWA,ramalan MBAH DEWA meman memiliki ramalan GHOIB” yang dijamin 100% tembus

  2. PS – you never did blog about your Dominican Republic experience.

  3. love the VanderBeek meme. And happy birthday, miss! I’m facing 27 in a couple of months and naaat looking forward to it. Maybe if I plan to get a scone that day it will make me feel better.

  4. I’m 24 too. I can relate. Oh, I caaaan relate. And be proud of those 23 accomplishments! Those are nothing to sneeze at.

  5. This is an absolutely charming list.

    It almost made me forgive you for being 24 and joking about “orthopedic shoes” and wanting to hang yourself with your small intestine because you’ll one day turn 25.

    Because I’m 38. B*tch.

    I tease, I tease…


  6. I gave up Monster Truck shows and laxatives for my 24th. Good luck!

    Go Bears,


  7. 24 isn’t old. Though my best friend is freaked about being 20 this year because it means she’s no longer a teenager and is officially an adult 😀

  8. it’s too bad you’re not older, like me, then you might have had a chance to hook up with “Thing”…poor thing! btw: do you think it would be significant somehow if you were at a concert where your favorite singer in the world was singing and that person announced that it was his/her birthday and that birthday was the exact same as yours…same day/year…what would you do?

    • I’m not sure if I understand this, but I think I’m ok with that.

      But see, that could never happen to me. Because my favorite is Bob Dylan and I would never call myself a fan without knowing every single thing about him. Please.

      Is this question inspired by personal experience?

  9. happy birthday yesterday! One day closer to 25!! 🙂

  10. The Smile Scavenger

    Happy birthday! I turned 24 in January. Becoming a quarter of a century old without “figuring out my shit” scares me beyond all reason. Which is sad, because I need reason to figure it out. It’s a vicious cycle.

    Good luck. 🙂

  11. I love the way you write. Nice post.

    P.S. You and “Creeped” should do a blog duo… your conversation was quite entertaining 🙂

  12. Maybe I should follow your example of making a list of accomplishments. I’m facing year 28 now, and am trying not to sweat the fact that I still don’t really know what I want to do as a career, am not married nor in a relationship so therefore am nowhere near close to having kids. However, in the last year I completed 2 degrees an joined AmeriCorps….I guess that’s something…

  13. Happy birthday! Glad to have stumbled across your blog. I’m currently staring down 27, and I can tell you, it’s, well, it’s pretty good actually. I’m saving my freakout for 40.

    • Thank you kindly, miss!

      It’s funny because I don’t think 27 or 24 or whatever sounds old on someone else! Just on me. It’s like how some girls can pull of spandex and look hot, and I just look like a busted can of Pillsbury dough.

      Happy early birthday! 🙂

  14. Loved this. I can promise you that the next couple years won’t be so bad, but I’m not much ahead of you. Love your icon pic btw.

    • I know, sexy right? I think it looks like I’m wearing one of those sunglasses that have a fake nose attached, but I’ll have you know, I’m all natural baby. All natural.

      Thank you for reading and sharing your twenties with me!

  15. Kiya Krier - Runs With Blisters

    You thought 23 was scary? Try 25! That’s a quarter of a freakin’ century! And WHAT am I doin with my life? Nothing! Oh, sorry, got a little side-tracked there for a second. Yeah, I had trouble with 25 this year…

  16. Congratulations on starting your book! A lovely post…

  17. I can go to sleep today, thinking I had 5 minutes of non-stop laughter – reading this post. Happy birthday, whoever you are.

    Keep writing! Best,

    • Sup, O?

      Thank you for reading and laughing and commenting and sleeping. Well the last one doesn’t really affect me. Thank you nonetheless. Making people laugh gives me some validity in the world so 5 minutes of non-stop laughter is a pretty beautiful thing 🙂

      I’ll keep writing if you keep reading! Don’t let me down, O. Don’t let me down.

  18. Reblogged this on Dubbedk's Blog and commented:
    interesting read!

  19. Happy birthday and congrats on being freshly pressed! Your pictures made me laugh! I’m 26…27 next month, but we’re not there yet, so that number doesn’t exist…and i still feel like I don’t have my shit together. I review young adult fiction books for crying out loud. My brother in law (who wants to be a politician) tried to kindly ask me if all I read are “Twilight” books…I rolled my eyes at him and then told him yes. 🙂 Haha! Here’s to staying young and never growing up…lets just go find Neverland and never come back.

    • Whoa, whoa, whoa…you review young adult fiction books?! That sounds badass. I work as an administrative assistant at a college and front desk receptionist at a hotel. Your work is way cooler. Don’t deny it. Though I’m sure it’s hard to stomach when future politicians belittle your reading, albeit unintentionally…

      Thank you for reading and the positive spin! Perhaps you can be his speech writer 😉

  20. Been there… but you are still in your twenties .. how lucky .. I just turned 30++ again a few days ago and guess how I feel… OLD !!! 🙂

  21. spacepotatoes

    Happy birthday! BTW, I love your blog!

    • Thank you! Please keep reading and share it with all of your friend, family members, Facebook friends you haven’t seen since 2nd grade but still stalk like it’s your job. We all do it.

  22. i am 24 and i hate it 🙂
    nice post gr8 accomplishments 🙂 and congrats on being fp

  23. I agree with you on your ‘doing more cool shit’ resolution. I’d like some tips on that. Thanks.

    • What are you saying my shit isn’t cool enough for you?!!?!? IS that what this is all about?

      I hope so. Because if you find this shit cool, then I worry about you haha. If I think of some tips I’ll be sure to let you know 😉

      Thanks for reading!

  24. “My biggest bitch is knowing that I am slowly inching my way toward an age where I will be too old to get away with my lack of life plan on account of being “young and exploring options.””-EXACTLY MY CASE.
    Love your sense of humor!!and Happy 24th Year!

  25. ha i can sympathize with you, i turned 26 in april, and had a minor freak out!
    you can read about it here:

  26. Cool post! You made me laugh 🙂
    Don’t worry about getting older. I’m fast approaching 40 and I’m still “young and exploring options”. I actually feel a lot more energetic than when I was in my 20s. You’ve got many, many years of youth ahead of you — and you’re going to need a much longer list!

    • This was quite uplifting, I thank you 🙂

      The idea of that sort of list shakes me to my core. I need to get my shit somewhat together before then! However, I think I will likely be you in 15 years, “young and exploring options” eternally

      Thanks for reading and thanks for the comment!

  27. I’m so senile I can’t think of ONE accomplishment I made this year, your blog just made me more depressed about turning 27 in two weeks.
    Congrats though lol

  28. Jose M. López

    There is a kind of crisis in middle twenties due to the close edge of losing the teen mind and body.

  29. The Ninja Mommy

    I just turned 28, it was an accomplishment purely because of the fact that a clairvoyant told me I would die when I was 27…Never high fived the air so hard when I beat that one lol! I think thats the most impressive thing on my list, although I did give birth to watermelon size baby 3 years ago…just after i turned 24..hmm

    • Sweet baby Jesus. You were todl you would die at 27?! Honestly, if that happened to me it would definitely become some kind of self-fulfilling prophecy, tripping and falling down the stairs into a cauldron of magma. Or something.

      Congratulations on staying alive and giving birth to a watermelon. you don’t hear about that much these days 😉

  30. This is awesome. I turned 23 in April and it was one of my most depressing, mostly because it was my first birthday after three awesome birthdays at uni. I think I actually sat in my room staring into space for a significant amount of time.

    But you have achieved loads in the last year! Kudos to you! And deciding to write that same sort of list on my 24th birthday has made me motivated to achieve something this year. *punches air


    • First off, Happy birthday! My 23rd was honestly spent completely alone and I didn’t see or talk to a single person. So there was a lot of the sitting and staring into space. Sometimes thats a good thing! But not really on your birthday.

      I think it’s good to write lists like this because birthdays can be seriously depressing if you’re someone who wants to accomplish a lot. Sometimes I think it’d be easier to be someone like Angela from Jersey Shore. Maybe you’ll know what I mean by this.

      Good luck with your 23rd year! Stay in touch 🙂

  31. You’re full of cuteness. Your words are too charming. I am 33. Happy birthday, dear! 😀

    colorado springs divorce attorneys

  32. Happy birthday girl. I think when I was 24 I wasn’t freaked out at all simply because I was too all over the place to notice I was a year older. Your freaking out means you’re arriving to some good sensibility 😉

  33. Really nice post.
    A new style photo also.

  34. LMAO! You’re quite the entertainer… I am following your blog as soon as i’m done commenting! And im 20, i cant wait to turn 21, and i have 11 more months to go till i turn 21!!

  35. jennifferbaez

    CONGRATS!!! I’d love to hear about your experience volunteering in the DR, I’ve been wanting to volunteer there for a long time and haven’t out of fear. (which is pretty absurd considering I’m Dominican – American)

    • To be honest, I’ve been trying to write something for several months but can’t manage to make it humorous which is what holds me back from publishing on this blog. however, a few people requested that so maybe I’ll bring down the house (emotionally speaking) and write something serious!

      And you should definitely go, especially considering your heritage! It was very meaningful

      • jennifferbaez

        It’s great to hear you had a good experience, Do you mind me asking if you went with an organization and if so which one? I look forward to hearing about your trip!!

  36. happy birthday girl…..
    24 is not old much…. I am 30 but still considered young…
    Age is just label. to stay young is just easy! Get natural facial mask…
    Hey.. all the recipes are easy-to make.. find it at
    Just give a try!

    • Maybe I’ll give it a try and then be so happy with the results I will quit this blog altogether! It would certainly save me a lot of trouble haha

      Thanks for reading and for thebday wishes 🙂

  37. I hate the thought of growing older too, but I think 24 can still be considered young. You should be proud of all the things you did at 23, amazing accomplishments.

    • 24 is still considered young, but it’s always harder to see yourself realistically. Especially apparent in that I don’t find any of these accomplishments amazing lol.

      Thank you for reading and commenting! Hope to hear from you again 🙂

  38. You think 23 is bad? You’re still a baby! Wait for 30! (

  39. Happy birthday 🙂 I’ll be 24 in a few months but I think I’ll be ok with it…25 is when it starts to get scary! 😛

  40. I’m 29! Enjoy being 24.

  41. I remember feeling the same way when I was your age… And believe me… It wasn’t until I hit 29 that I started embracing my age!:D I’m now 31… 30’s is the new 20’s 😀 have a happy birthday and enjoy it!!

  42. Happy Birthday! I enjoyed reading about your 23 accomplishments, and I wish you even more awesomeness in the year to come 🙂

  43. Hello! I Awarded your blog with The Fabulous Blog Ribbon! I’ve really enjoyed your posts. Please stop by my site ( to claim your recognition. Congratulations!

  44. Crackin’ me up ovah here…stop it.

  45. I think it’s quite normal for someone to feel bad about aging and growing up. Don’t penalize us because we’re young, it’s true, quarter- life crisis does exist. I was majorly depressed too when I turned 22– as if I was in a coma for 22 years and had just woke up. Actually being in a coma would’ve been better; at least I would’ve gotten some sleep. Insomnia can do horrors to a person’s face.

    • Thank you for defending all that I know is true in the world! Quarter life crises, comas, the works! I like your style.

      Insomnia does destroy one’s face. Along with too little water and too much porn. Yikes.

      • Lol yep that sums it up sleeplessness, dehydration and sex relates to every bad day. One way or another.

        I like your style too, quite witty. Keep up the good work 🙂

  46. Love the idea of writing a list. The 28th anniversary of my day of birth is rapidly descending upon me and I could use some positivity. You think 24 is bad? Girl, it only gets worse.

    I kid, I kid. Growing older isn’t that bad! Kind of. Actually, it sucks.

    • I must say I was significantly less depressed this year than last year, so maybe getting old IS better! or maybe I’m just less emotionally unstable.

      Whatever the case, Happy future Birthday! I urge you to make a list for your 28th and pingback to me. I’d love to hear what 28 year old’s accomplish…

  47. Like the name of your blog….

  48. I started freaking out over my age when I turned 18. Imagine how I felt when I turned 24 in March! My roommate just turned 25 a few days ago. Also moving back home and being unemployed? Check! (But in my case I do have an excuse: I’m moving back home across an ocean so…)

    • You have a significantly better reason for being unemployed and living at home than I ever did. And I think the trick to feeling young is to only hang out with old people and avoid high school graduations.

  49. my 29th Birthday is near and you have inspired me to make my own list of 28 accomplishments – cheers!! (*fingers crossed* I have a list as awesome as yours!)

  50. haha i’m staring 24 down here in the next few months…. ominous. kind of. but really, thanks for this. life-plans are most certainly overrated.

  51. This just made me extremely happy! Too funny!

  52. I nominated you for the One Lovely Blog Award because you are both lovely and hilarious! Come check it out:)

  1. Pingback: Snaps for a Vagabond | Vagabond in Service

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