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Why I will Never Be A Strong, Confident, Sexy Woman

Everytime I begin to think I can be one of those strong, confident, sexy women, who can run in heels and wink without it being creepy, I do something like this:

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Yes, that is a hair tie around my leg underneath my tights.  

No, I don’t know how it got there.

Yes, it took my 6 hours to notice. 

No, I don’t have kankles….

It’s an unflattering angle!

No one looks good at work.

But this is proof that I will never be one of those women. Along with having hairties places they shouldn’t be (dirty!) and the inability to sit cross-legged without looking constipated, I am not self-involved enough to be put together. This is not to say that every woman who is put together is self-involved (although, come on) but rather that I am such a mess already, that it would take  such grandiose effort for me to be put together, that I would be forced to abandon all other facets of my personality and focus solely on my appearance in order to achieve this. Like Kim Kardashian, or Ryan Seacrest.

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I’d rather run into a knife.

Love,

The girl with knives too dull to penetrate (dirty!) (ouch) (ew)

PS: I would like to reach 200 followers by the new year. It’s the only validation I get outside of watching people fatter than me exercise. If you read this blog and do not follow it, please do.