This makes my mother nervous; my blogging about her. I told her it will only be mildly humiliating, to which she responded with a giggle, then a sigh, then a blank stare, then an assertion that no one reading is a God so who cares. Right.
But since I am writing this for Mother’s Day, it is probably best that I don’t do anything so offensive the she decides to revoke my dowry (what?). Instead I decided to honor my mother, by highlighting three of the personality traits she passed onto me during labor, with three of my favorite quotes.
- “She’s destroying my world.”
– my mother, referencing Molly, our 6 pound shih tzu.
The Drama – Always too hot and never cold enough, my mother passes her time getting “seriously depressed” by driving past a Pizza Hut she had lunch at once in 1987 and speaking in long-winded, passionate diatribes before saying things like “I’m not even that upset about it.”
2. “She looks like she walks around with a 24/7 yeast infection.”
– my mother, referencing Cynthia Nixon from Sex and the City
The Inappropriateness – You wouldn’t know by looking at her, but my mother can out talk a sailor most days of the week. She’d never admit such a thing, but the words I have heard her use in reference to power struggles with Molly, the 6 pound shih tzu, have been so shocking, I could only reply with a gasp and a trip to the fainting chair. When you call her on such things, reminding her that her language/comments/general thought process is highly inappropriate she throws her head back and laughs joyously before muttering the phrase, “I’m only teasing.”
– my mother, referencing her life.
Restlessness – Beekeeper, woodcarver, guidance counselor, chocolatier, dried flower florist, field biologist, children’s book author, lawyer, college professor. All career paths my mother has considered…in the last two years.
All in all, she’s f***ing nuts, in a way well within her control. But if she were not her, I would not be me, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Happy Mother’s Day, Mama Bear!
The girl you pushed out the easiest